I’m upset so might I well blog about it, right?
Besides, I suppose I owe you all an update on my mental health.
I am home now. This is how it happened:
First, I got off ward privileges. It meant I could go for walks up to an hour a day, as long as I remained on the hospital grounds. That meant I could get a reasonably good coffee from Second Cup and enjoy the lovely Fall weather.
Then I got a day pass, which I spent with my daughter. I came home, play with the kitties, shaved my legs and my armpits, fell human again, and went for a lovely walk along the canal.
Last, I got a weekend pass. That meant going home on Friday at 2 pm and coming back to the hospital on Sunday at 9 pm. Then I’d be evaluated on Monday morning and it everything went well, go home.
Well, everything did go well, and I came home on October the 7th – now and outpatient, with a bunch of medication and an appointment for the Day Hospital program at the Civic Campus for October 16. Yes, that’s today. I’ll get to it in a bit.
Incidentally, during that weekend, my daughter and I finally went to see Star Wars Identities, the Star War exhibit at the Aviation & Space Museum. It was out of this world (pun intended). I highly recommend it if it ever goes to your town and if you are a Star Wars fans and a geek like me.
Yesterday, I watched former Secretary General of the United Nations and member of The Elders Kofi Annan give an address that resonated with me. Mr. Annan touched on issues of governance, rule of law and social justice that seemed to me of great relevance to Jamaica also. Through the wonders of broadband Internet, the speech was live streaming into our living room in Kingston, Jamaica from the…
A lot of food for thought in this post. In this address, Kofi Annan talks about social injustice and other problems in Africa but really, it can be applied to any continent or country in the world. The two aspects that struck me the most -because they are the closest to my heart, are non-acceptance of diversity and high tolerance to violence.On diversity:
“Societies which embrace diversity as a source of strength become healthier, more stable and prosperous. In those which do not, whole communities can feel marginalized and oppressed, creating conditions for conflict.”On high tolerance for violence:
“Violence towards those who are different from us, or who we disagree with is unacceptable, and has no place in healthy societies. We have to learn from each other, making our different traditions and cultures a source of harmony and strength.”
Here we are again.
Remember this: I'm NOT flaky?. Written almost a year ago.
Nothing has changed. But I found myself feeling the bite this week more than usual.
The reason, a series of non-related FB statuses. You know when the universe seems to be conspiring to point out something to you? Yeah, that.
Oh, nothing out of the ordinary.
In case you are out of the loop, I am currently at the hospital. Been here for almost two weeks now
But not just any hospital.
I’m at the 4 North Mental Health Unit of The Ottawa Hospital, General Campus.
Yes, that’s right. I am in a physch ward.
Now, there was a time when I would rather have died than let people know I had a mental illness. THAT’S THE STIGMA.
I would have not voluntarily gone to a hospital to admit myself . THAT’S THE STIGMA.
If hospitalized, I would have lied about the cause of my hospitalization. THAT’S THE STIGMA.
Well, I know better now. I know there is no shame in having a mental illness. I know that admitting my mental illness(es) sometimes get out of control is a brave thing. I know that reaching out for support when I need it, is not only
good great but that is actually the RIGHT thing to do.
Or at least not from The Side I had in mind on September 20th.
Allow me to explain.
September 28. My father’s birthday.
Or would have been, anyway. He’s been dead for a couple of decades now.
What’s ironic is that I spent his birthday in a psychiatric ward. About two weeks ago, my mental health started to decline and particularly after a very difficult session with my psychotherapist in Tuesday, Sept 17. After that, it was all downhill and I got to the bottom of the pit quite quickly.
By Friday, September 20, I became suicidal. Fortunately for me, I happened to be talking to a friend on Facebook due to the fact that she was organizing a fundraiser and I was donating an item for a silent auction.
She noticed something was not quite right and asked me about it. I lost it, told her I was suicidal and that I thought I ought to go to the hospital. That in fact, I was intending to go and admit myself as soon as our chat was over.
She immediately volunteered to drive me there. She asked me where I was thinking of going. I said the Royal. She said she thought the Royal didn’t have Emergency anymore. She told me to stay put, that she would find out for me and then take me there.
She called back five minutes later. Yes, indeed the Royal didn’t have an ER anymore and that I should go to the Ottawa Hospital, either the Civic Campus or the General Campus.
12 years ago
with two suitcases that contained all that I owned,
On a plane I got .
For the two day trip that would bring me
to this fabled land of snow.
Alone but not scared
for I will not strand, I know.
My last hope
My childhood dream.
Tell me why my battles,
always seem to be upstream?
Family and friends,
So many things left behind.
Beloved books and music
mementos of a troubled past.
Up and away
Up and away I went.
And started the journey to a better life.
The long and winding journey into the unknown.
The long and winding journey…