Father’s Day Musings

Father’s Day

um…. yeah. I guess it was just a matter of time I wrote something about Father’s Day. Or fathers, for that matter. it only makes sense that I do it on Father’s Day, I suppose… I didnt’ think I could ever write about my father until today.

My father was murdered a long time ago. However, I lost him even long before that. I wasn’t even 7 years old when it happened.

I was awoken in the middle of the night by my mother’s screams. Opened my bedroom door only to find a trail of blood along the hallway. My mother’s.

After that night, my father was dead to me. The tragedy of it all is that my father actually loved me very much. I was his little girl and I know now he suffered much because I could never love him back. I never hated him but I could never love him either.

Years went by and I eventually went to Med School. There I learned that my father suffered from Delusional Jealousy, a disorder usually associated with Schizophrenia. The fact that he was an alcoholic and a gambler didn’t help either. Knowing that helped me cope with it in a way. You see, my father never had a chance to a normal life. Not even a ghost of a chance.  And because of that, neither did my mother or my sister or me.

My mother, because she was murdered by him.

Me and my sister, because we have to live with that.

And my father, well, he had to pay dearly for something that wasn’t even entirely his fault. Maybe, had he had access to a good health system that would have diagnosed him and offered him treatment and support, just maybe, my mother would be alive and me and my sister would have a family.

As a physician in Colombia, I saw many things, most of them bad and more than a few quite horrible. I have to say that in general, Colombian men don’t make good fathers (with some exceptions, of course. Some of my friends had/have good fathers, and most of MY friends turned out to be excellent fathers too).

Here in Canada, I’ve seen both. I’d like to believe that most fathers here are good. Stories like this one are certainly heart-warming. But then, there are some others that make my heart weep.

Children are precious. They all deserve a great father and a great mother. They all deserve to have a safe environment where they can grow and develop and in time become great parents too should they choose to have children of their own.

If you’re a father, try you best to be a good one. Not perfect. Just a good father. And if you need help, for crying out loud, don’t hesitate to ask. Your children will thank you (and love you more) for it.

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7 thoughts on “Father’s Day Musings

  1. purpleowltree1234 says:

    <3 How you are not bitter and how you can have understanding for your father after he did this to your mother (and to you and your sister), I cannot comprehend. I have no words to express the sorrow and compassion I have for the little seven year old you were. And the seven year old still within you, as well as who you are now, for the pain, loss and trauma you have experienced. Your ability to umderstand where your father was coming from just blows my mind. I've never known anyone as level headed and generous with empathy and grace as you are. You teach me so much and I am stronger and more hopeful for having met you.
    Rach.

    • SummerSolsticeGirl says:

      Thank you! You are so supportive and so compassionate. See? You’ve been through a lot as well. And you understand. That’s why I can’t help but understand as well.

      Mental illness is a terrible thing. It makes every life affected by it a tragedy. I could never hold that against anyone. Not even my father. He was ill and he lived in a society that didn’t accept mental illness as a valid illness and therefore didn’t offer him the treatment he needed. Perhaps he belonged in a mental institution. But he didn’t have that choice.

      He knew he had done wrong and he paid for it. He was very ashamed of what he did and he had to live with that. I could never add more pain to what he was enduring already.

      • purpleowltree1234 says:

        As I saw today that someone commented on a post of yours, you are a testament to the human spirit. You are beautiful SSG. <3
        Love from Rach.

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