It’s [almost] Mother’s Day

And as usual, I get a bit sad.

I’ve been a mother for 24 years now [Jeez where did all those years go?] so I’ve been the one being celebrated and that’s good. It helps me stay focused on the good things of life.

May 1983 was the last chance I had to celebrate with my mother. I still remember the flowers and the cake.

Mother’s last Mother’s Day. Here with my little cousin

Does my sister remember, I wonder? She was so little.

We never talk about our mother. Nobody in my family does.  If someone mentions her by mistake, everybody tenses up and go quiet until someone else changes the subject.

Last time I was in Colombia, I met with my aunt (my mother’s only sister. And half sister at that) and one of her old high school friends. We were reminiscing, having a good time and then he asked about my mother. Very casual, something like “and how’s your mother doing?”.  My aunt and I looked at each other in horror.  Does he not know? was the silent question in our eyes. After a rather uncomfortable silence, I finally murmured: well, she…. she… um… she died a long time ago.  He had the good sense of not asking any more questions.

Why is it so difficult to say “she was murdered” out loud? I don’t know. But after 29 years I still can’t.

And after 29 years, I’m still angry that my mother was taken away from me.  I can’t help it.

I can rationalize all I want [and I do].  I can focus on what I have instead on dwelling on what I don’t have.  I enjoy my children. I enjoy my family and friends. I enjoy life.

But I still get angry and sad on days like this.

Cause I miss my mother very much.

Happy Mother’s Day mother, wherever you are.

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9 thoughts on “It’s [almost] Mother’s Day

  1. Sword-chinned bitch says:

    I’m really sorry to hear about this. I understand that you would have difficulty saying how she died at anytime, even after all these years. And I think you have a right to be angry. But you could keep living the vibrant life you seem to be living in your mother’s name, and keep moving forward. It’s healthy for you to express how you feel in writing. Take care…

    • SummerSolsticeGirl says:

      Thanks for your kind words!

      I think the best I can do is be the best person I can be. That would make her happy. Enjoying the life she could not, that’s my tribute to her

      So that’s what I do :)

  2. Fred says:

    Sigh. I wish I had the right words for you, dear. You’re doing exactly the best thing in your mother’s memory: being the person you are and yourself a wonderful mother. Hug!

  3. Sid Dunnebacke says:

    I’m new to your part of the world here, and so didn’t see that coming. I’m very sorry for you. For what it’s worth, my guess is you’ll always be angry and sad – just as you should be. I can only imagine how tough it is, though. Cheers –

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