Do not read while eating or drinking
Why would I want to order checks with flowers, balloons or pink pussy cats on them? These checks are going to people who harass me for money every month! Some of them hike up their interest rates when they feel like it, and as we speak they’re trying to figure out new ways to screw me.
“Well, would you like your name and address printed on your checks Ma’am?”
“Shit naaww! Why do I want to make it easy for these motherfuckers to find me? Let ‘em look me up in the goddamned filing cabinet – make ‘em work! Listen, print me up these checks, black with skulls and crossbones on them, and in the area where my name and address is supposed to go, put Die Motherfucker Diiiieee-yah!”