What a day (and what a weekend)

My mind – and feelings, are all over the place today.

I’ve been subjected to a roller-coaster of emotions by those around me.

In the last 24 hours I’ve been accused of being a liar, a sell-out and many other ugly things by people who supposedly love me.

In the last 24 hours, I’ve gone from “I can’t do this anymore” to “I’ve no choice by to keep going” a few times.

I decided to accept the invitation of one of my son’s high school friends to go to her cottage.  I thought taking him away for some quiet time would do him good.  What a disaster that turned out to be.

Thank goodness my daughter and I had to work on Saturday night so it was supposed to be only roughly 24 hours.

I actually came back physically sick and couldn’t even work last night.

My daughter woke me up early today cause we had a photo shoot at the studio at 11 am.  She left just before 10 cause she had to open the studio for the photographer and I was supposed to get there at 10:30 so she could do my hair.

I took my shower, got dressed and went to get my things together.  Couldn’t find my dress so I thought my daughter had taken it with her so I left.  Got to the studio, to find out my dress was not there.  You know how -when you are already having a bad day, the littlest thing can make you feel really miserable? Yeah, that.

I went back home, found that my dress was still in the dress bag in my daughter’s closet after our last trip to Montreal.  Good.  Headed back to the studio.  While waiting at the light, the only thing on my mind was: “wouldn’t it be nice if I got run over by a bus and it all ended here?”.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get run over so I continued walking and got to the studio.  Everybody was there as it was already 11.  My hair was still not done and I was not dressed.

I managed to get photo shoot presentable and did my takes.  Not without getting my eyes all watery a couple of times.

My daughter went home after the shoot and I stayed to help with a Collegiate Shag workshop.  I wasn’t teaching it but there were short of women so I stayed and helped.

Go figure.  By the time my foot was hurting to much to keep dancing, I was smiling again.  Dancing has that effect on me.

After a quick stop at Loblaws, I got home feeling almost happy again.

Ha! How naive of me.

I open the door and my daughter is crying.  My son is gone.

Take a deep breath….

So yeah.  That’s my day.

My son packed his things and left with his suitcase.  His return ticket is for July 20th so I suppose he intends to stay at a friend’s in the mean time.  Maybe try and change his flight.  I don’t know.

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14 thoughts on “What a day (and what a weekend)

  1. Sword-chinned bitch says:

    These are the times where you need to be still, meditate to get direction from within, from the universe. It works for me, sometimes. When I open myself up to the energy out there I get answers when I’m receptive to them. I know a guy who didn’t believe in God who said he got on his knees and prayed, just to be quiet — he didn’t even say really anything besides, ‘please help’, and it worked. When I believe in that energy I can hear answers coming from everywhere. These days I’m not believing as much in that kind of energy, but I do think there’s a psychology or even a science to that kind of submission to the grand scheme. It has given me power at times.

    • SummerSolsticeGirl says:

      Yeah, I’ve always found that being quiet and still helps me regain focus and then remain focused.

      I don’t ascribe to any particular school of thought and I definitely stay away from anything that remotely feels like mumbo jumbo but we are definitely energy. All matter is energy (that’s basic physics) and we can to a certain extent control that energy.

      It does help greatly

  2. meizac says:

    Again, I wish there was something I could do to help. I can’t believe you took to time to come meet/visit with me today (but am thrilled you did). I only wish we could have had more time to talk. I hope you have some positive news about your son very soon.

    • SummerSolsticeGirl says:

      Just by wishing, you already do!

      I thought of cancelling (primarily cause I wasn’t sure I could put myself together and not bring you down) but then I thought that the chances I could meet you in the near future were slim to none so I didn’t. I’m glad I went.

      But now you know why I was reticent to talk too much about my son, cause I knew I could lose it easily and I didn’t want that to happen and upset your daughter.

      Hope she’s not mad at you anymore ;)

  3. purpleowltree1234 says:

    omg. i’m so sorry. life’s tables flip so fast sometimes. pls be careful with Your mental health. you’ve been surviving horrid things, n pouring out your energy, n worrying will pour it out even more. i know. you’re a mom. pls do anything you can at all to care for your own spirit right now. you’ve done all you can do for your son. when you can do more, i know you will. in the meantime pls be gentle on you n do whatever you can to get through this safely. i’m glad to see you’ve been writing here. we’re here to listen. i liked your “to blog or not to blog” too. you’re right, blogging is totally about you getting out whatever you need to, n articulating it to yourself as you go. we are here because we actually appreciate witnessing an authentic journey. so keep it real for you, because this blog’s first purpose is about what will help you, what will make your life more meaningful n rich. being real is a gift. most people can’t do it. i’m keen to hear how you continue to be through this. and afterwards when it all slows down again. i’m deeply concerned about your son, and i’m concerned about you too, n your daughter. Miss D. X

    • SummerSolsticeGirl says:

      Thank you miss D. Both my daughter and I are still shaken and sad. Still haven’t heard from my son, either.

      We’ll see how it goes. Thank you for your concern, very much appreciated. You take good care as well

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