One of those moments

I had one of those “I feel sorry for myself” moments last night. Kinda.

At Jam Crew practice last night, we were given 10 minutes to practice aerials with our partners. I heart aerials. It’s probably what I like the most about Lindy Hop. I find it exhilarating being thrown up in the air while turning and doing all kinds of cool stuff.

Anyway, my partner and I practised for a while but we were good so he wanted to take a break. I grabbed my water bottle and while taking a sip I let my eyes wander across the room. I watched all of the other couples work on their aerials. All the TNTeam Couples are learning really cool ones and I felt a little surge of anger. Which is the reason why I have always wanted to be part of that team.

It’s so hard for me to look at all those dancers who have been dancing for just a year or two. All of them, I watched take their first dance steps, some of them I even taught their first steps. And now they are either way on their way to be better dancers than me or are already better.

That stung.

Not too mention that it is my own fault I’m not part of TNTeam this year because I chickened out.

Then I remembered I am lucky I can dance at all. I remembered that most people in my position couldn’t even begin to think of doing what I do.

I remembered that I had to take time off due to a rotator cuff injury (twice), a broken heel, a bruised foot bone and then major surgery for cancer.  All of it put together amounts for about three years of not dancing at all.

I remembered That I have neurological issues, I break easily and I can’t even walk or go down stairs without falling down all the time.

Then I also remembered that 80% of our team members are in their early 20’s. A handful of them are still teenagers. I am the only one who’s over 40.

Sure, I’ll never be at the level of some of our dancers. I’ll certainly never be at my daughter’s level. But that’s OK. Not a lot of dancers are are at her level, anyway.

Hell, I can even compete every now and then. That is très cool.  And the fact that sometimes I get medals is freaking amazing.

So I said to myself: Myself, you kick ass!

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