Overwhelmed

I had a nice little break.

It felt good.

But now, it’s back to the daily grind.

The anxiety bouts that started about a year ago are now reaching alarming levels.

I recently wrote a post on Canvas about it: Is this what getting better mean?

Unfortunately, I am facing a few challenges right now. Both life and work related.

The old monster is awake and threatening to break free. My last two therapy sessions were rather painful and I am really not looking forward to the next one.

There are some good news. Like my trip to California in two weeks. My daughter and her boyfriend are going to a wedding in Sacramento and it just so happened that they got hired to be part of a commercial being shot that week in San Francisco. So, as a mother’s day present, she’s bringing me with her! We’re spending the week in San Francisco and the weekend in Sacramento, where I’ll get to go to the famous Sacramento Music Festival.

I am very much looking forward to it. I keep reminding myself of this. I keep telling myself it’s going to be great. San Francisco is in my Bucket List and I still can’t believe I’m going.

But I feel myself losing my footing. Slowly slipping.

The sadness. The pain in my stomach.

The darkness that lurks just around the corner.

The bad dreams.

I haven’t lost hope just yet.

But I am terrified.