Well friends, I always try hard to stay positive and away from negative thoughts.
Today, however, I am losing that battle.
So I apologize in advance cause I am in the mood for ranting today and nothing else.
<rant>
I am tired of struggling. I know everyone’s lives are difficult, if only in different ways. Everybody has it though. But I am tired of my kind of though.
I am tired of being in pain. I am tired of hospitals. I am trying of medications. I am tired of this weird body I got.
I am tired of nothing being easy for me.
I am tired of things going wrong so often. Probability theory tells me that I should expect half of the happening in my life should go wrong. Hindsight bias tells me that I probably overstating the wrong outcomes and ignoring (or underplaying) the good ones. Quite possible. But still, it feels like -in my life, anything that can go wrong WILL indeed go wrong.
But most of all, I am tired of seeing my children go through the same things I have. Damn my genes. Damn. Damn. Damn.
Damnation. Curse. Malediction.
It is hard enough to have bad things happening to me. But when bad things involve my children, that’s more than I can take.
Damnation. Curse. Malediction.
That about sums it all up.
Yes, I know that tomorrow is another day. Damn you, Scarlet O’Hara. Frankly, I don’t give a damn about your tomorrows.
How many more years of this bullshit? 45? 50?
</rant>
Summer Solstice Musings 
No apologies needed, SM.
Seeing bad things happen to our kids is among the worst. Knowing that it’s our own genes being passed down that causes the problems is no easier. But I know your children, and I can say matter-of-fact-ly that what you’ve given them to their great benefit FAR outweighs what you’ve given them in faulty genes.
I don’t know how many more years, I want only to spend them with you.
And malediction is a way underused word. Well done.
Oh Sid. No one like you to brighten my day and put a smile on my face.
What would I do without you?
One shudders to think of if
Let’s not think about it then! <3
You are not alone.
Thanks! :)
It often feels like you must be ignoring the good stuff because it feels like there’s bad stuff only. But sometimes, you just have this period where everything, literally, goes wrong.
Which also means it can only go up from there! However frustrating things may be at the moment, they will get better. They have to, they just have to.
How’s your son?
I know you are right. My son is on the mend. Why, he might even be discharged tomorrow! :)
Good! :D
Grrr … hang in their SSG.
I like Sid’s Law much better than Murphy’s! ;-)
Sid’s Law!! I like that :)
Thank you Jared. I will hang in there, thanks to you all! :)
((Hugs)) I can’t stop bad things from happening, but I wish I could help you. I can’t imagine the pain you’re dealing with. I know from the child’s perspective how much it hurts to see a parent in pain or sickness (not to mention how terrifying). I’ll bet it’s a million times worse from the parent’s side. Keep holding on. It will get better.
Oh yes. From a parent point of view, you wish you could be the one being sick in their place.
But such is life I guess (I mean, I do know). We all get sick every now and then. But one never really ceases to be a parent even if we are 80 and they are 60 hahaha
Thank you so much for your concern and kind words. How’s your world. I am sorry I haven’t been to your blog in such a long time. I feel like I have abandoned everybody :(
You’ve had other things to worry about besides reading blogs, so no worries from us.
My world is the same, just coping with a bit of post-holiday blues that’s beginning to clear up. I’ll try to post a happy song today, in case you come by. :)
This is one of those posts that “liking” seems awkward but it’s meant in a supportive way. Hope things are turning around for Sergio and you!
Thank you! I know you mean it. Sergio is on the mend but it seems I am not.
Having one of those annoying self-pity “why me” moments
We press on because, despite our pressing demons, we must. You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever known and I have faith in you.
You are right. We do, because we must.
This – too, shall pass. Right?
Exactly. It’s the burden of mental illness…ebbs and flows, yet within us is that voice that screams for salvation. Even in the deepest moments of despair, there’s a part of us that holds on, hoping for more. Hold on to that.
Trying hard to hold on to that!
Thank you. Very much appreciated <3
You’re amazing, SSG.
Rant entirely permitted and justified.