I, just like everybody else with and invisible illness, am not in the habit of complaining out loud about the aches and pains, about the fatigue, about the anxiety, frustration and even anger that is the result of the myriad of symptoms of most invisible illnesses.
Like everybody else, I putter through life by virtue of sheer willpower and stubbornness.
Most often than not, I refuse to acknowledge the issues.
Most often than not I have a smile and a kind word for everyone.
As you, my wonderful blogging community know, every once in a while, I break down and just want to say fuck all. It’s like having a coca-cola. I don’t like soft drinks. I really don’t. But about once a year, I get a craving for a coke with lots of ice. The bottled kind, not the watered-down fountain one. Preferably with lots of popcorn or pizza.
So today is that day.
Not for the coke-craving thingy.
For the fuck all thingy.
The trigger? Oh, something really stupid. I need to go to a store that is far away in the land of suburbs and outlet malls. Getting there by bus is a hassle. Transferring buses and a fair bit of walking.
Really not a big deal in the big scheme of things. But factor in knees and hips pain when walking and anxiety and the picture gets dark.
Then I get thinking how annoying and frustrating it is that when I am in Lansing, I have access to a car but not to my money while when I am in Ottawa, I have access to money but not a car.
Once the scumbag brain goes down that path, there’s no stopping it.
To top it all, even my teeth and gums hurt today.
I’ll go away, as you all know. In a few hours or tomorrow at the latest, I’ll be my usual bubbly self again.
But right now, I am saying HASA DIGA EEBOWAI
And that’s that.
Here’s a giraffe on top of a building f. For no reason at all