I, just like everybody else with and invisible illness, am not in the habit of complaining out loud about the aches and pains, about the fatigue, about the anxiety, frustration and even anger that is the result of the myriad of symptoms of most invisible illnesses.
Like everybody else, I putter through life by virtue of sheer willpower and stubbornness.
Most often than not, I refuse to acknowledge the issues.
Most often than not I have a smile and a kind word for everyone.
As you, my wonderful blogging community know, every once in a while, I break down and just want to say fuck all. It’s like having a coca-cola. I don’t like soft drinks. I really don’t. But about once a year, I get a craving for a coke with lots of ice. The bottled kind, not the watered-down fountain one. Preferably with lots of popcorn or pizza.
So today is that day.
Not for the coke-craving thingy.
For the fuck all thingy.
The trigger? Oh, something really stupid. I need to go to a store that is far away in the land of suburbs and outlet malls. Getting there by bus is a hassle. Transferring buses and a fair bit of walking.
Really not a big deal in the big scheme of things. But factor in knees and hips pain when walking and anxiety and the picture gets dark.
Then I get thinking how annoying and frustrating it is that when I am in Lansing, I have access to a car but not to my money while when I am in Ottawa, I have access to money but not a car.
Once the scumbag brain goes down that path, there’s no stopping it.
To top it all, even my teeth and gums hurt today.
I’ll go away, as you all know. In a few hours or tomorrow at the latest, I’ll be my usual bubbly self again.
But right now, I am saying HASA DIGA EEBOWAI
And that’s that.
Here’s a giraffe on top of a building f. For no reason at all
7 thoughts on “Whatever”
Ah, I’m sorry.
BTW, when I get very stressed badly, my teeth and gums hurt. Just for a day or two, so I hope it eases off soon for you.
About brain matters… Well they last for different times… I do also hope that eases off too!
Groan and mean it, it does help.
I hate that you’re having one (or more) of those days. And the giraffe maybe for no reason but I think it sums it up perfectly. Don’t ask me to explain, that might be too much for me. ;-) Lots of love.
But… but… oh, hell. You know I love you every day but that can’t help everything.
Sigh. I hate these days. Remember that the best is yet to come thing? Yeah, that.
so sorry your struggling, not a nice feeling. this too shall pass though. xoxo
Been there, done that. I found Google Transit a while ago, and it helps me plan these things sometimes. If you have it available where you are, I recommend it, even if you already have a route. It might help find a slightly easier way.
I’m sorry that you had a bad day. I don’t know if this will help it all, but your post made me smile. I inherited my step-grampa’s laptop and I’ve been going through the photos and posting them online for family. I had to chuckle when one of them was of my proper Southern Belle step-grandma, and he titled it “…her name and Friend.” So I clicked, expecting it to be a person, but it was a 5 foot tall stuffed giraffe. So I forwarded it to my step mom, who let me know that my Ganny insisted on bringing that giraffe with her into the assisted living home with her when she moved in. Go Ganny! I would have too. She’s in her mid-90’s, by the way. It’s often the small things in life.
And I related to the rest of your post, too, and I’m glad I found it. I hope you figure out answers to your transportation problems. I have PTSD and have to use the bus system most of the time, too. I don’t get to go to a lot of the places I’d like to.