The Solstice Rolling Stone

Well, here I  am, searching for a place to live yet again.

While I still desire a home, at this point I’ll be happy to settle for peaceful living quarters.

I haven’t had a sense of home since I was woken up in the middle of the night by screaming only to find my mother’s blood down the hallway at age six and a half.

Ever since, all I had was living quarters.

Even after my children were born, we moved often enough to never think I had a home proper. You know the kind of place you feel you could settle and grow roots? Every new place was just another temporary place until I could move to Canada.

In retrospect, however, I suspect the lack of a “home” feeling was more because of my PTSD (of which I was only made aware of relatively recently) and less due to the constant moving.

Perhaps that’s the main reason coming to Canada didn’t feel hard at all. Sure I was sad to say good bye to family and friends but the move itself was not hard, scary or difficult. It all makes sense now.

The closest I had to growing roots was the 13 years I spent in Ottawa, despite the fact that even there I moved quite a lot. Seven places in total.

Heh, one of those times I had to move out because of my very sweet – but unfortunately very fond of fish- roommate who would cook fish every day. Every day! You see, the smell of fish makes me sick. I spent all of the time I was “home” barricaded in my room, trying not to die. Being chemically sensitive sucks big time!

I used to tell my therapist in Ottawa that all I wanted was a little place I could call home. With a little garden where I could sit and draw while listening to the birds sing. Having a little pond would be an added bonus with cream cheese frosting and a cherry on top, all sprinkled with pixie dust.

Ask my therapist. I must’ve said it at least a gazillion times during the ten years I went to therapy with him.

I neither need nor desire a big house. My joints are too old to go up and down stairs cleaning floors, windows, bathrooms, bedrooms and the likes.

Just a small, ground flat with a small garden.

You know, a little patch of green with some shade and enough room for a couple of chairs will do just fine. I’ll provide the butterfly, bird and squirrel food. I would be very happy in such a place.

It didn’t happen in Ottawa.

But what do you know. For a while, I thought I had struck gold here in Windsor. When I filled out the application for my current place, I didn’t even know it had a backyard. And what a beautiful backyard it turned out to have. To my eyes, it is something straight out of a fairy tale, ponds included. Sure it was in a state of disrepair but even just a little work proved to do wonders.

There is Japanese maple, a sand cherry, a rose bush and many other small trees and bushes to which the names I know not.

Truly, THE  place for me save for my unit being on the second floor.

But there’s birds. There’s squirrels. There’s flowers. There’s a gazebo. There’s two ponds. There’s community cats.

Needless to say Jay and Kaylee were very happy here as well. I often think how much would Satchie have enjoyed the garden. I can picture her getting the zoomies and going up and down the stairs at the speed of light a mind-blowing number of times.

Alas, it could not be.

The next door neighbours decided I committed a grave offense against their very being and they are committed to get me committed to the asylum for the insane.

After spending five days at one of such places, I am now committed to getting the hell out of here.

It is my fate to never gather moss, as it would seem.

7 thoughts on “The Solstice Rolling Stone

    • Summer Solstice Girl says:

      Yes! It is so very easy to fall into the “this is so unfair” trap. I struggle with that too. It annoys the heck out of me because I know it is unfair, but I also know that life is just that unfair to everybody. Infuriating, right? :)

  1. Cat says:

    Considering the antics of next door, I am not surprised you’re having to move again. The plants and flowers look gorgeous, but maybe there might be something with much better neighbours waiting for you. Good luck

Got something to say?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s