Diamond Heart, Hard but Fragile

Warning: Sad post ahead.

I had the intention of keeping it to myself but I am so sad and discouraged!

It was bad enough to lose my Satchie when I moved to Windsor.

But then Mama Cat came into my life and despite all the soap opera drama with the neighbours, she brought me much happiness.

First, she impressed me with her motherhood skills.

Then she gave me such an unexpected gift when she decided to stick around and adopt me even after all her babies were gone to good homes.

She made me laugh with her crazy silly antics and she stole my heart with her affection and her altogether sweet disposition.

Not to mention the chicken wing, chicken leg, the potato and the pieces of steak she brought one time or another.

Little by little, I could feel the pain of not having Satchie easing away. I will miss her forever, of course, but it was getting to a point where I could accept the loss of her.

Mama quite succesfully trained me to gather all the toys and through then one by one so she could either jump or chase them in order to catch them.

She also trained me in the difficult art of scratching her precisely in the spot she wanted and with precisely the pressure, direction and speed she wanted.

And let’s not forget the training to be perfectly still as to not trouble her while she was taking a nap on her favourite spot.

 
I didn’t even mind that she would come calling every day without fail at 4:22 am which was when she got the zoomies.

I willingly got up every single time to gather the toys so we could play her favourite game. OK, maybe some times I got up grudgingly at first, but I still did. And I was always a hoot.

But now she is gone too.

I have yet another hole in my chest.

It’s a week today since she last came.

I have only known her for seven months so it is possible she wandered off and will come back any minute now. But in the seven months I’ve been around she never failed to show up a single day so I’m very worried.

I know cats get hit by cars every day. I know it is possible and perhaps even probably that something along those lines happened to her.

On the other hand, let’s not forget she was trapped and taken to Humane Society back in April, so it is also entirely possible it’s happened again. That she was again trapped and taken somewhere else (she is not at HS)

The latter is a much better alternative, despite of the distress she’d be in for being taken away from her territory. But at least this way there is a chance she’ll adapt and even eventually find someone that loves her and takes good care of her.

The former shatters my sturdy and yet easily breakable heart. As much as I wish to remain positive, pictures of her being hurt plague my mind. Just like it still happens for Satchie.

I want them both to be well taken care of, happy and loved wherever they are.