The Maze

…  that is my [ADHD] brain.

Or for those closer to my age, the Labyrinth that is my [ADHD] brain, complete with Sting and all.

At any given time, I have a gazillion thoughts going through The Maze, like Gladers on crack being chased by Grievers.

Quite a few of them fight each other too.

It goes something like this:

grumble, grumble, grumble… I hate Life.

ooooooooh the birds are singing, how beautiful!

I hate people. Wish people went extinct

I am so lucky to have this place! I love listening to the birds singing and chattering. And then there’s all the kitties that come to my backyard

Jesus, can I ever catch a break… fucking hell… what a ridiculous soap opera…

I miss my kids

Crap, when’s that counseling appointment again, gorram scumbag brain

And that’s just like a 60 seconds window into my scumbag brain. Continue reading

Not Interested In Being Offended

Posted the following on Facebook (picture included) about 20 minutes ago. Then I decided to make it into a blog post because reasons:

laugh at yourself

This is the perfect complement to a FB conversation from yesterday. I was talking about how I love “Squirrel!” jokes but someone found them offensive and out of line. Two things, methinks:

1. While I do not want people to laugh AT me, I do want people to laugh WITH me! I laugh at myself all the time and it’s always nice to have some company when laughing . I don’t take myself seriously. Ever. Seriously. Did I slip and fall? Go ahead and laugh your head off cause that crap is funny as hell (just make sure I am ok at some point)

2. Finding something offensive/being offended is a personal choice. If you find something offensive, that doesn’t mean everybody else does. You know, you might be over-reacting. Hey, it happens! Or you might have a good reason to be offended but that reason may apply to you only. Don’t ask everyone to be offended just because you are, providing the joke/issue is not a matter of human/civil/animal rights and/or equality.

3. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion. But you don’t have to agree with me and I certainly do not have to agree with you.

4. Laughing is good for… Squirrell!!!…..

Continue reading

I wish I could draw [like SaraDraws]

I wish I could draw [like SaraDraws].  It would be so much easier to express myself that way!

Words don’t come easily to me.  No.  Let me rephrase that.  Words come too fast to me.  So fast, that by the time I write three letters, ten different thoughts have flown by.  Come and gone.  Never to be heard again.  Never to be fully grasped.  All that remains is a faint memory of an idea, of a million ideas.  A brain full of ghosts that once were, five milliseconds or a month ago.

Gordo the Squirrel


How can I write anything coherent when my brain constructs exist at the subatomic level of faster than light particles when my hand depends on the more mundane speeds of molecular reactions? the brain thinks of writing and neurotransmitters are released to send a signal to my muscles to write [or type]. Way too slow.

And so, I stare at the laptop screen or the straight lines of a notebook, eyes trying to focus but not really seeing anything.  Fingers ready to type.  Hand ready to write.  And nothing happens.  There is a disconnect.

I want to scream but I don’t.  Actually, that’s not true.  I do scream. At the top of my lungs.  Only that no sounds comes out of my mouth.  But I hear it, loud and clear.  It’s deafening.

So I just stare and scream while thoughts keep flying by.  A century or an hour later, I move.  I open a webpage.  I look at pretty things.  I read what other clowns people are saying.  I get up and eat something.  I play with my cat.  I wish I were a cat.

But! what if cats also get ADD/ADHD?

Just another day in Jazz Cat Jay’s live