Well, I was so tired and weakened yesterday that I fell asleep in the afternoon and it all happened again. The nightmares, the sleep paralysis, the hallucinations.
As a result, I refused to sleep last night.
Haven’t slept yet.
So I decided to make digital doodles instead.
Cat doodles, of course.
After all, I am a bona fide Crazy Cat Lady.
so I am a shiny registered Feral Caregiver with the Windsor Essex County Humane Society (WECHS) for the Feral Caregiver Program!!!
This is so exciting!
As some of you know already (if you’ve read my bucket list) it is my dream to one day run a cat sanctuary. That may or may not happen but this is definitely a step in the right direction.
I wish to devote my life to help educate humans on ethical treatment of animals in general and cats in particular, and to improve the quality of life of community cats in my area -wherever that area may be.
TL;DR: community cats include both Feral & Stray cats. A cat is considered feral is she was born outside and has never lived indoors or had much contact with humans. A cat is considered stray if she was at some point a house cat but now lives outdoors for whatever reason (i.e: being dumped or left behind by a heartless human).
One of the first things I learned when I moved to Windsor is the city’s big cat overpopulation problem.
In a way, it has made finding my darling Satchie even more difficult as there are hundreds of feral and stray brown tabbies roaming the city.
There is a big colony of brown tabbies right in the field adjacent to the motel Satchie broke free from, for example.
The causes of cat overpopulation are several – of course, I don’t claim the problem is a simple one – but one of them is believe it or not, compassionate people who feed community cats on a regular basis but don’t think of neutering/spaying them.
When cats are well fed, they have a better change of having strong litters that will grow to have more litters.
As WECHS puts it:
If you’re already feeding free-roaming cats, you’ve shown that you care for them. But the best way to make their lives easier is through TNR, or Trap-Neuter-Return, sometimes also called TNVR (Trap-Neuter-Vaccinate-Return). By feeding but not fixing them, you can actually be making the cats’ lives harder because you are allowing them to have larger litters with more of the kittens surviving to adulthood.
… that is my [ADHD] brain.
Or for those closer to my age, the Labyrinth that is my [ADHD] brain, complete with Sting and all.
At any given time, I have a gazillion thoughts going through The Maze, like Gladers on crack being chased by Grievers.
Quite a few of them fight each other too.
It goes something like this:
grumble, grumble, grumble… I hate Life.
ooooooooh the birds are singing, how beautiful!
I hate people. Wish people went extinct
I am so lucky to have this place! I love listening to the birds singing and chattering. And then there’s all the kitties that come to my backyard
Jesus, can I ever catch a break… fucking hell… what a ridiculous soap opera…
I miss my kids
Crap, when’s that counseling appointment again, gorram scumbag brain
And that’s just like a 60 seconds window into my scumbag brain. Continue reading
A friend of mine often says that no good deed goes unpunished.
I always laughed at this but this time around, as I am living it, all of a sudden it isn’t funny anymore.
Last night, I had to call the police for the first time of my adult life.
At 46 years old, I am being bullied by my next door neighbours.
Yesterday morning, I was woken up by my neighbour screaming angrily at my bedroom window. Not how one expects to start a Sunday morning. Only half awake, I managed to get that he was threatening to send any cat he found in his backyard to the pound. What the hell?, I thought.
I decided to get up and go to the window to see what the heck was going on. Jay -my orange tabby, followed me. I had a glimpse of the neighbour as he was turning around the farthest corner of his house with a cat carrier in his hands and then disappearing on the other side of the house for a moment. When he came back onto the deck, he saw me and Jay still at the window, being quite perplexed by his behaviour.
He looked at me then looked at Jay and said (yelled, rather): “Ah there’s that fucking red cat again. If I catch that fucking cat in my backyard, I’ll take him to the pound.” Then he turned around and went inside the house.
It was 7 am on Sunday, May the third. Continue reading
My living room right HAS become Crime Central.
There are five villains – FIVE, being shamelessly and unapologetically adorable in it. I told them the Cute Police was going to come take them away but they just don’t care.
They declared themselves guilty as charged and unwilling to change their ways.
I wash my hands.
PS: I you don’t hear from me in a day, send in the rescue crew. I might’ve died of Adorable Overload!
PPS: Don’t worry, I mean, yes I am a bona fide Crazy Cat Lady but I didn’t adopt them all. I am fostering them
PPPS: I accidentally inherited (story to follow soon) a feral colony that lives in my backyard. Mama cat belongs to it. We’re trapping, neutering/spaying and returning them. Four down, two more to go.
A cat purring on your lap is more healing than any medicine in the world, as the vibrations you are receiving are of pure love and contentment.- Author unknown
This quote usually -but most likely erroneously, attributed to Francis of Assisi, fully exemplifies my day yesterday.
I spent the whole day with Jay by my side, with a healthy sprinkling of kneading, purring and headbutts by my new friend, sweet miss Patches.
Meet miss Patches
I didn’t go out at all. Which makes me feel guilty because I didn’t go looking for Satchie. But on the other hand, today I am in a lot less pain, which is always nice. My body needed the break, for sure.
But most of all, I am in a much better state of mind today. Being reunited with Jay has made a huge difference. Even if he had to go through the stress of being in yet another brand new place, the third one in the same week. I hate putting him through all this but I would like to think that being with me also helps him. He’s starting to settle by now and I love to hear his heartwarming cooing every time I touch him or call out his name.
I am still worried, of course. I am still heartbroken and my heart won’t heal until I have Satchie again with me. I am still anxious about not having secured a place for January 1st. I am still angry that I will have to spend the holidays alone because of some stupid Border agent.
But I now know that this too shall pass and that eventually things will be okay.
Yeah, yeah, you were all right. You all knew I would. Even I knew I would.
Damn. I’m too stubborn to give up even when I try to convince myself that I do want to give up. I hate it but there’s nothing I can do. Millions of years of evolution hang heavily on me. We are all wired to survive no matter the pain.
But… dude!
Purring kitties.
That’s where it’s at!
Oh, and coffee. Let’s not forget coffee. Thanks to my current host for welcoming me with a cup of coffee and to the fiance for bringing me some of that good old Colombian magic beans!
I decided to write this FAQs because I keep being asked the same questions by well-meaning people.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not being snarky. Or having rock star delusions. I am simply under severe stress and just one step away from doing that thing that makes people uncomfortable when spoken out loud. So if you asked and I gave you a link to this post as an answer, please don’t take it personal.
Q: Why did you move to Windsor? Or its most common variant, why would you leave beautiful Ottawa to come to Windsor of all places?
A: For love. My fiance lives in Lansing, MI. The commute from Lansing to Ottawa is too long and too difficult when you struggle with anxiety and/or panic attacks. Windsor is as close as I can be to Lansing without leaving Canada.
Q: Why did you come to Windsor without first having found an apartment?
A: Because I actually had a plan which was not by any stretch of the imagination, being stranded in Windsor. When it became obvious I wouldn’t have a place for December 1st (having to vacate my Ottawa place on November 30th), I decided to put everything in storage in Windsor, and then continue to Lansing. The initial plan was to come to Windsor, get settled at the new place, stay here for a week or two and THEN head to Lansing to spend the Holidays with the fiance and the Sidlets. Going straight to Lansing on the same day wasn’t too much of a deviation of the plan anyway, so that’s what we did.
Q: Why are you still here, then? Continue reading
I had planned to write a follow up to yesterday’s post but it seems like I won’t have time today. Or this weekend. Or maybe even next week.
At Swing Dynamite, we do all kind of cool non-dancing stuff during the summer. And this Sunday is one of them. We start the day with a Yoga class at our studio and then we all head to Calypso Water Park for a fun day of sun and water slides. I can’t wait!!! We had SO much fun last year!
Group pic at the end of the day. So much fun! Unfortunately, some people had already left.
Sunday! Another week ends
(or starts if you count that way)
but first – if you don’t mind,
I’ll say: Happy Canada Day!
No doubt, the SSG is happy
she gots to dance a lot
furthermore, in two more days
the prodigal son comes home.
Alas, for two weeks only
no matter, that’s enough
we shall reminisce and be merry
for what’s life, but just a luff
Hugs, dancing, food and music,
cuddly cats and a bear too
colour pencils and sketch pads
a pot of coffee or two.
Add a son and a daughter
and epic times will ensue
tight bonds strong anew
over a chocolate fondue!
The three [Colombian] Musketeers
Damn, we’re a good looking family
;)
BWAHAHAHAHAHA
I mean…. er, poor Henri
Summer Solstice Musings 