I wish I could draw [like SaraDraws]

I wish I could draw [like SaraDraws].  It would be so much easier to express myself that way!

Words don’t come easily to me.  No.  Let me rephrase that.  Words come too fast to me.  So fast, that by the time I write three letters, ten different thoughts have flown by.  Come and gone.  Never to be heard again.  Never to be fully grasped.  All that remains is a faint memory of an idea, of a million ideas.  A brain full of ghosts that once were, five milliseconds or a month ago.

Gordo the Squirrel

Squirrel!

How can I write anything coherent when my brain constructs exist at the subatomic level of faster than light particles when my hand depends on the more mundane speeds of molecular reactions? the brain thinks of writing and neurotransmitters are released to send a signal to my muscles to write [or type]. Way too slow.

And so, I stare at the laptop screen or the straight lines of a notebook, eyes trying to focus but not really seeing anything.  Fingers ready to type.  Hand ready to write.  And nothing happens.  There is a disconnect.

I want to scream but I don’t.  Actually, that’s not true.  I do scream. At the top of my lungs.  Only that no sounds comes out of my mouth.  But I hear it, loud and clear.  It’s deafening.

So I just stare and scream while thoughts keep flying by.  A century or an hour later, I move.  I open a webpage.  I look at pretty things.  I read what other clowns people are saying.  I get up and eat something.  I play with my cat.  I wish I were a cat.

But! what if cats also get ADD/ADHD?

Just another day in Jazz Cat Jay’s live