Holy 🐄

I just wrote this blurb as a way of introducing myself to a new Facebook group. Which group matters not. 

But Holy Cow, it all sounds so preposterous when put together.

I mean, would you not think it would be impossible for any one individual to be so fucked up? 

So I laughed. Because it is ludicrous. And now I’m sharing it here so you can laugh with me too.

1. I have no filters. No, seriously. I have lost friendships over this. So please let me know if/when I cross the line. Any line. I have a hard time understanding and recognising lines.

 

2. Just a little bit of a background.
Things/illnesses I deal with: 
Chronic pain since age 11. Current diagnosis, fibro. 
Mental illness. PTSD and all that follows. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, emotional lability, etc.
Progressive neurological deterioration of unknown origin. MS ruled out. No working diagnosis at the moment.
ADHD & Giftedness. Never been diagnosed with Autism, but my educated guess given my medical background is that I am in the spectrum even if highly functional.
POTS. Hypothyroidism. Dysfunctional contraregulatory hormone response. Basically, my whole hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal axis is broken.
Dysgraphia made worse by a TIA four years ago. Especially aggravating when taking math tests. UGH
Woman of Colour (black and native) who is light enough to almost pass as white. You’d think that would not represent a problem. But it is aggravating that [racist] people treat me nice while they are the way they are to my brothers and sisters. I carry much anger inside. Sometimes I think I’m going to spontaneously combust, so fierce it roars.
3. I have never learned how to be succinct. Don’t know how to be concise.
4. Apparently I don’t know how to count either.

There you have it.

Isn’t it hilarious in its preposterousness? 

PS: posting from phone so formating will be wonky. Sorry you have to deal with it

Don’t want no flowers when I’m dead

Don’t want no flowers when I’m dead.

Trying the “Press this” button for the first time. Let’s see how it goes.

This month is the 29th anniversary of my mother’s death. She was 34 when she died, a life lost to domestic violence.

I always gave her flowers on Mother’s day and on her birthday. I should have given her flowers every day. But then again, when you’re that young sometimes you don’t think.

 

Life

You live

You love,  you hate

You laugh, you cry

You are happy, you are sad

You give, you receive.

You win, you lose

You worry all the while

You get drunk

You sober up

You suck the marrow of life

You make mistakes

You apologize

You learn to keep your head up

You learn from your mistakes

You learn from other people’s mistakes

You learn that life can only be lived as you walk on

You are wronged

You learn to live with it

You learn to carry on

You sing and dance

You feel joy and you feel pain

You get wrinkles and grey hairs

You grow up, you grow old

You grow wise and you grow tired

And then you learn to love again

And in the end, you learn that the most important lesson you will ever learn is to learn how to let go