You win

I hate life.

There I said it.

I have spent decades finding gratefulness for what little I had. No parents? oh, who needs parents anyway, I can totally fend for myself. Pain? Oh, at least I have a roof under my head and I have food on my belly. Being told that everything is in my head? Oh at least I have my books and a great imagination. I can always escape to better worlds in my mind when nobody is looking.

I have tried to find strength and peace in the beauty of the little things. The birds coming to my balcony. My cats. Later on, when I finally made it to Canada, the falling leaves, the snow. The squirrels and chipmunks. The groundhogs. The Rideau canal. Swing Dancing.

But the truth is my life has been crap since day one. I was born extreme premature and spent the first months of my life in an incubator. The doctors told my mother not to get too attached to me because I most likely wouldn’t make it. And yet I did. I am pretty sure some god(s) with a lot of time in their hands and a very twisted and sick sense of humour had something to do with that. Perhaps they even made bets on how long I was going to last after all the things they had in store for me.

I spent my the first two years of my life in and out of the hospital and after that in an out of the pediatrician’s office with recurrent ear and throat infections which are the cause of my bilateral hearing loss.

I had no friends, as it is so common for children from very dysfunctional family environments.

Nonetheless, I puttered along. Hating every minute of it.

An angel wept

 

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Life goes on. Still. Always

I have spent some time yesterday and today, trying to catch up with the blogs I follow.  That’s why some of you will find a sudden ton of notifications of likes and comments from me.

I still have to work, of course so I’m afraid it’s not humanly possible to catch up with all of them so if I missed yours, my apologies.  I’ll try my best to stay up to date in the future.

So many wonderful posts I missed.  I go from hysterical laughs to almost tears.  But good to know [almost] everybody is still hanging in there.

I’m looking back at the last three months and I find it amazing how much crap we all go through every day.  And yes, here’re we are still.

And that reminds me of a picture I saw on Facebook yesterday.  One of those things that became very popular.  It seems like all people do on Facebook is post quotes or someecards.  Not that I have anything against them.  Most of them are hilarious.  And I always appreciate anything that causes a good laugh or a smile.  But I disgress.  Here’s the quote

You don’t know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have

E.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d.

I’m not one to easily give in to bitching and complaining.

Those who know me know that I am annoyingly cheery to the point of puking.  You know, the kind that always infuriatingly looking at the bright side of everything.

But HOLY FUCKING* FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!

*The F-word was for Le Clown’s benefit