Or the adventures of the Summer Solstice Girl in the Great White North

The Maze

…  that is my [ADHD] brain.

Or for those closer to my age, the Labyrinth that is my [ADHD] brain, complete with Sting and all.

At any given time, I have a gazillion thoughts going through The Maze, like Gladers on crack being chased by Grievers.

Quite a few of them fight each other too.

It goes something like this:

grumble, grumble, grumble… I hate Life.

ooooooooh the birds are singing, how beautiful!

I hate people. Wish people went extinct

I am so lucky to have this place! I love listening to the birds singing and chattering. And then there’s all the kitties that come to my backyard

Jesus, can I ever catch a break… fucking hell… what a ridiculous soap opera…

I miss my kids

Crap, when’s that counseling appointment again, gorram scumbag brain

And that’s just like a 60 seconds window into my scumbag brain. Continue reading

Dandelion, dandelion

[One of] today’s million musings:

I love dandelions. I know they are considered weeds but I think they are beautiful. They have a beautiful yellow colour when in flower (I mean, who can stay grumpy when such a happy colour is around) and then they transform in this gorgeous creation of nature (as if the flower alone weren’t an impressive work or art already).

I love the science of symmetry behind if and love the fun it provides. Fibonacci FTW.

Just try it. Get one of those and blow with all your might. I dare you not to giggle while doing it. Make a wish while you are at it. Who knows, maybe it’ll come true.

And! if all that weren’t enough, dandelions are the first food for our precious bees.

One of the reasons bee populations are dwindling – other than the evil pesticides, of course – is people’s infuriating [to me] love of manicured lawns. When everybody decided dandelions were weeds and therefore verboten from pretty lawns, bees were left without an early spring food source.

So I went to my garden and took these pictures. Continue reading

Your Monday Funny

Grossed out Batman

Have a great week, everyone.

Yes, I’m 12

Schrödinger’s Life

I can’t grasp Life.

It eludes me.

It taunts me.

It laughs at me, as it playfully prances around a the corner, not too fast that I lose track of it but not slow enough that I can catch up either.

Life can be so beautiful you feel your chest it’s going to explode, incapable of taking in so much beauty. All you can do is sit there and let the tears flow so you don’t explode.

Conversely, Life can be so heartbreaking you feel your chest if going to implode, incapable of taking in so much grief. All you can do is sit there, wishing you could cry but thankfully unable to do so, lest you implode.

It is a mercy that most days lie in between. And yet, for someone like me, a day can be – mostly is – full of uplifting hikes and stomach-turning falls.

A break in the news, a phone call, a letter.

Echoes of sadness and pain from all the corners of the world.

Today, I was rejoicing on the beauty of this day and the happiness in my life.

Naturally, I turned to Facebook to give witness of this when I learned a few bits of unsettling news. Continue reading

I’ve got leaky eyes

My foster babies will be gone today!

They were scheduled to go back to Humane Society next week, however they are having an adoption promotion this weekend that includes reduced adoption fees for adults cats and kittens.

So of course it makes sense to have them at the event. It will reduce how long they actually spend in the shelter by getting them adopted this weekend.  It would be better to wait till they are 12 weeks old and not 8 as they are now. Sadly, the younger, the more likely they’ll get adopted because, well, you know. Kittens are adorable. They youngest, the more adorable. I understand the appeal. Plus reduced adoption fees. That is a big draw as well.

I of course, want for them a forever home where they’ll be cherished and get all the love they deserve. And the less time they have to spend at the shelter, the better for them too.

Less stress for the kittens. And that is what we all want, right?

Right!

Then why do I have this big lump on my throat?

Yes, I know people will say I am just an old sentimental fool. Continue reading

The Bullying Game

Well, I guess I can say I’ve gone through all the Stages of Loss and Grief in the last five days.

There was isolation, there was bargaining, there was depression, there was anger (oh, there was anger!) and I reached acceptance about 20 minutes ago.

I planned on writing a post this morning on compassion, as I reached acceptance while having breakfast. But that’ll have to wait because I’m afraid there was a new development (is that a redundancy, new development? like added bonus?).

Anyway, the redundant new development sent me back into depression, another little bit of bargaining (if only I had waited a little longer to release the two spayed females), lots of crying, an anxiety episode and lots of anger.

I had therapy/counselling today at 11 am. I was running late and only made to the bus stop when my counselor and I agree it was better to reschedule so I could have a full hour.

Decided to walk to the pharmacy to pick up my medication instead. When I came home, I found this on my door

Continue reading

Losing Control of my Sanity

At least in this case, a good deed didn’t go unpunished.

The neighbours managed to turn me into a nerve wreck.

I can’t sleep. Every time I hear their patio door open my heart skips a beat. I am also very jumpy.

Anxiety levels are up to the roof.

They continue to make loud passive-aggressive remarks on their deck, I guess in hopes that I hear them. And I do. Unfortunately, this house seems to be made of paper.

The house was turned into a quadruplex, two units on the first floor and two more on the second. I can pretty much hear everything my next door neighbour within the same house. I can perfectly hear which tv show he’s watching. Or was, because he moved out.

When my neighbour down below does laundry, the whole house shakes and it sound like the washer is in my unit instead of hers. When the washer is in the centrifuging part of the cycle, my whole place shakes. I have often made jokes about this.

So it doesn’t come as a shock to me that I can hear very well everything that is said on the next door house deck or even what the neighbours say inside their house if their windows and mine are open.

I don’t know if they know this but I am certainly hearing all their threats, insults and the like.

And that is certainly drilling a whole in my sanity.

So wish they could be charged for causing me to become ill.

The Bullies Among Us

A friend of mine often says that no good deed goes unpunished.

I always laughed at this but this time around, as I am living it, all of a sudden it isn’t funny anymore.

Last night, I had to call the police for the first time of my adult life.

At 46 years old, I am being bullied by my next door neighbours.

Yesterday morning, I was woken up by my neighbour screaming angrily at my bedroom window. Not how one expects to start a Sunday morning. Only half awake, I managed to get that he was threatening to send any cat he found in his backyard to the pound. What the hell?, I thought.

I decided to get up and go to the window to see what the heck was going on. Jay -my orange tabby, followed me. I had a glimpse of the neighbour as he was turning around the farthest corner of his house with a cat carrier in his hands and then disappearing on the other side of the house for a moment. When he came back onto the deck, he saw me and Jay still at the window, being quite perplexed by his behaviour.

He looked at me then looked at Jay and said (yelled, rather): “Ah there’s that fucking red cat again. If I catch that fucking cat in my backyard, I’ll take him to the pound.” Then he turned around and went inside the house.

It was 7 am on Sunday, May the third. Continue reading

CSI at Casa Colombiana

My living room right HAS become Crime Central.

There are five villains – FIVE, being shamelessly and unapologetically adorable in it. I told them the Cute Police was going to come take them away but they just don’t care.

They declared themselves guilty as charged and unwilling to change their ways.

I wash my hands.

PS: I you don’t hear from me in a day, send in the rescue crew. I might’ve died of Adorable Overload!

PPS: Don’t worry, I mean, yes I am a bona fide Crazy Cat Lady but I didn’t adopt them all. I am fostering them

PPPS: I accidentally inherited (story to follow soon) a feral colony that lives in my backyard. Mama cat belongs to it. We’re trapping, neutering/spaying and returning them. Four down, two more to go.

World Lab Animal Day

Just learned that today is  World Lab Animal Day.

World. lab animal. day.

What a sad world I live in that there is such think at World Lab Animal Day.

SaveTheChimps-Tammy_250

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know how deeply I feel about animal welfare. I do not think we’re all that special that countless lives may be sacrificed so we can find new ways of healing ourselves.

What we are is really good with weapons. And we’re bigger. And we are amoral. And very fond of ourselves too. We think so highly of ourselves we don’t even flinch at the suffering, the torture we inflict on lab animals every day.

Being accepted at graduate school was a big deal for me. It was the culmination of a life long dream and hard work. And yet, I took a whole year and a half between acceptance and start.

Why? Because I would not settle for just any lab for my research. I would NOT do animal testing and that was final.

Oh, there were many interesting lines of research, many good labs. But they all tested in animals. Rats, mice, monkeys, rabbits.

Not a chance I would compromise my values.

You can imagine how ecstatic I was when I found a lab that not only did amazing research, but they did it on human cells in culture!

And! [for those who are in science] Because it was done in human cells, it was actually considered in vivo research instead of in vitro. Double win!

It was a short stint, my time as a graduate student. In the end, I did not become doctor doctor Petrilli *

But I will always have the satisfaction that, when the test came, I proved myself worthy of my ideals. I can hold my head up and walk away proud


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