I feel absolutely dead inside.
There is no sunshine, no solace. There’s only the freezing cold, dark, numbness of the desert of my soul.
Oh, the mask is on today (the mask is always required). Very rarely I dare not to wear it because I get burned when I don’t.
Even in the one place where I thought I didn’t have to wear it, I still do.
You’ll see me smile today. You’ll see me being civil and polite. Isn’t that what society is all about? That we are civil and polite to each other while committing the most horrible crimes?
“I can’t take the evil of this world anymore”. That’s what I said yesterday. And yet, here I am, still alive today. How can I still be alive if my heart is broken in a million frozen little pieces?
Right. Because I am condemned to grow a heart every night, so it can be broken again every day. The gods are mean and bloodthirsty and that is the penalty for being born with one.
Be the change you want to see, they say.
Well, I am that change. But day after day I get crushed. What kind of change is that?
Sadness and anger. Despair and murderous thoughts. An unholy desire to do to people what they have done to other living things.
Cold Red fury.
There is no hope for the human race and there is no hope for me either, because I hate.
Hell and damnation.
That’s where I am going.
Because in my mind, each one of the little bastards is dying a very slow and painful death, while being fed all the suffering the collective human hive has inflicted on the world for countless centuries.