When you get tired of drinking lemonade

*Warning* RANT ahead. Read at your own risk.

I am normally good about ignoring the bad things and focusing on the good things. Not in a “I-am-putting-all-in-a-pile-in-the-back-of-my-mind-and-OH-SHIT-WTF-is-this-monster-let’s-have-a-meltdown” kind but in a “If-I-have-to-do-this-at-least-I’ll-have-some-fun-while-I’m-at it” one.

In other words, I’ve spent all my life making [and drinking] lemonade. And that’s ok. I do have lots of fun as you all know. Sometimes I even make chocolate cake instead of lemonade.

But not today. Today, I’m being a wuss.

I threw my back out last Wednesday, doing laundry, of all things. Not rock climbing. Not doing crazy awesome aerials. Not saving stuck whales. Doing laundry, for crying out loud!

And the timing couldn’t have been any more wrong.

I was doing laundry and cleaning up my place because one of my dearest friends from Colombia was visiting. She came to Montreal for a World Epilepsy Conference (she’s an authority in epilepsy in Colombia) and arranged to be for two days in Ottawa so she could visit with me.

Yeah, some visit. I sucked it up for a while and showed her around a little bit but most of her visit was me in bed, in pain. Yeah, yeah.  we talked a lot. We were together. I know she understands. Being together was more important than doing stuff. I know that. But still.

Then there was a few activities that I was very much looking forward to during the weekend (including teaching a Blues workshop) that I couldn’t do.

And then there was Canada Day. CANADA DAY! Probably the best day of the year. I love the Canada Day celebrations in Ottawa. I am a proud Canadian (say what you will but I am) and nothing I love more than being part of the whole thing.

Again, I sucked it up and went for a while. Because no pain on earth would have stopped me from seeing Col. Hadfield perform Space Oddity live here in Ottawa. I was also able to take part of the Q&A session with Col. Chris Hadfield and Dr. Tom Marshburn

So yeah. That was awesome. But then again, that was me being handed lemons and making lemonade. So I did. And I drank it. And it was good. But now I am left with a bitter after taste.

I know pain is a normal part of life. I’ve been living with chronic pain since I was 11. I can deal with a lot lot of chronic pain.

But this acute lower back pain? Man, I hate it. I FUCKING hate it. I am taking muscle relaxants, pain killers, I’m stretching. And the pain is not going anywhere.

I am also sorry to be swearing on a post that includes Hadfield . What if he finds it for whatever reason and reads it? Nah, he’s too busy. And I am angry.  And in too much pain. I’m sure he’d understand. He seems like a very cool guy. Something tells me -after listening to him talk about bodily gasses and propulsion in zero gravity, that he won’t mind.

I am still grateful for the little things. Even if I never got to be an astronaut like I wanted to. But I am not going to whine about that. Not today, at least. I’ll continue to live vicariously through Hadfield and Marshburn and the others.

However, today I don’t want to drink fucking lemonade. I don’t.

Maybe tomorrow I will. But not today.

Can I have some chocolate cake today?